A long time ago when the eight track was the best sound you could get in a car I listened to the Moody Blues while cruising along in my 1965 Dodge Dart GT. There was one song, I don’t remember the title, but in it was a line that went something like this, “Whenever I felt fear or knew pain I was not understanding”. I think anger was in there somewhere as well, but since I can’t locate the exact song I can’t be sure. That line made a forever impression on me.
We go through this thing we call life, listening (well sometimes) looking around and talking. How often do we really understand what our senses take in? And just as importantly, how well do those we have contact with understand what we really mean when we do all that talking?
Movie tips:
In the movie “P.S. I love you” (http://www.moviefone.com/movie/p.s.-i-love-you/26303/main?flv=1) there is a line that really struck a chord with me. In a scene in the beginning of the movie the soon to be deceased husband is arguing with his soon to be widowed wife. He asks her if they are arguing about what he said or what she thinks he said.
When I heard that I wanted to jump up and shout “Yes” because I suddenly had an epiphany (what ever that is). I am convinced that most people especially husbands and wives spend a good part of their time arguing about what they think the other person means without really knowing … well, you get the idea.
Just what is it you want?
In thinking about all of this I was reminded of the story I once heard about a Mom whose young son Jimmy came running in from playing with his friend down the street and asked, “Where did I come from?”
The Mom knew that this day would come so she had planned way ahead. She prided herself on how well she planned ahead for life’s little hurdles. Even though this was much sooner than she had expected she was ready. She sat the boy down at the kitchen table and began to explain all about the birds and the bees and how little Jimmy had managed to show up at their house. She thought it went very well. Little Jimmy sat there listening to his mother without even asking one question. It took seventeen minutes. It must have been the short version. I got the long version from my mother, it took almost an hour and to make matters worse, my older sister was listening in.
When she was all done she smiled at her son and asked him if he had any questions. He said yes, just one. He was wondering where he came from because his friend Tom down the street said that he was from New Jersey.
Just who is your audience?
Just consider this, remember those signs right before that construction site that read, “Fines Doubled”? Well, when your spouse misunderstands you those fines are tripled. They are not strangers that you can just walk away from. You are tied to them with a bond that is more important than any other attachment you have with anyone else.
Be forewarned, you may find yourself explaining your explanation of your explanation of what you really meant when you first said what it was that you said that they didn’t understand in the first place. Confused yet? Just wait it gets better!
I didn’t say that this would be easy. In fact it can be down right challenging and that is the easy part. It not only takes two to tango, it takes two to foster good understanding. You have to work together. You need to give this a thought, you can’t expect to be understood if you refuse to make the effort to understand your spouse or anyone else for that mater.
You two have an advantage!!
You do have an advantage with your spouse that you don’t have with anyone else. You can both sit down together and make the commitment to work on better understanding (some people would call this communication). Caution, if you try this with a coworker there might be a problem.
Set some ground rules!
You might want to set some ground rules to help you along. These would be things that neither one of you would violate. It might be good to write them down. With my memory it would certainly be a good idea. Where was I? Oh yeah, ground rules:
- Be honest, don’t lie about what you meant when you said what it was you said, after all if you didn’t want it understood you shouldn’t have said in the first place
- Avoid getting angry
- No shouting
- Be humble enough to know when you are getting off track and get back on!!!
You don’t need to use these particular rules, they are only suggestions, you can make up your own. Your situation is different from everyone else’s. If you can improve the understanding between yourself and your spouse you are on the way to a happier life.
As for all of the others that you are in contact with, learn how to say what you mean and as they say, mean what you say. And your ears are made for hearing but your brain was made for listening. Just try to have them both in gear at the same time.
Trying to understand and be understood is something that takes commitment. If commitment isn’t something that you are big on, sort of like if you are living together not wanting the commitment of marriage, well just ignore everything I just said about spouses.
One last thought, try not to assume that you know what someone means when there is even the slightest doubt. Just remember, the captain of the Titanic assumed that it was safe to take the course he did. We all know how that turned out.
Until next time keep a smile on your face and twinkle in your eye. I have no idea where you can get the twinkle. I just thought it sounded good.
Anyone out there know who Alvin York was? If you can tell me who he was I will send you a copy of "A Rare Encounter" in MS Word. Also, my novel "Opperation Armageddon is now available on Amazon through the kindle owners lending library. You can read it for free check out this link!!
http://www.amazon.com/kindleownerslendinglibrary
My Website: http://tagewright.blogspot.com/
Download My Novels "Operation Armageddon"
and "Project Vengeance" in Kindle Format on Amazon
tagewright@aol.com
(860) 608-8451
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